Monday, September 29, 2014

~You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should~
Robyne Macavoy

To my newest love in a small human baby form

I love you. I love you little boy. You are on your way this morning. I awoke to a flurry of messages saying that you broke my sister's water and are expected to arrive this morning in Minnesota. Do you feel the excitement? Do you know how much we love you already? I tried to meet you last week, but you were still preparing to make your debut. I don't blame you little boy. This world is so different than what you know. I want to tell you now, that life will be hard. It will always feel a little overwhelming. It will be big, and busy, loud, and bright. But I also want to to know that the world is better because you are going to be in it. You are going to lend your smiles, your sweet laughs, and your happiness. You are going to help us. You don't know that yet, and that's ok. Someday you will look around you and notice that all this love outweighs hate, and it will forever. Happy birthday you shining soul

"Though debris is covers everything, still I am in love with this life" 
Conor Oberst

Tuesday, August 26, 2014

Stay hungry

"Sometimes I’m terrified of my heart; 
of its constant hunger for whatever it is it wants.
 The way it stops and starts.” 

 .Edgar Allen Poe

 My knee instinctivlity curls up on the barstool in the kitchento greet my chin. Toes balance the weight of my long leg by flexing up and out. I look like a yogi but feel like an old creaky cat. This is where my ceramic thrift store periwinkle mug sits filled to brim with steaming fair trade (we always hope) south american magic beans. Hoodie is up over bedhead and the crust of sleep has barely been rubbed from my eyes. My back needs a downward dog.   Stacks of to do's but today is Saturday and I choose music playlists and puppy spooning

 The gray Colorado sky outside agrees with me . 

Why do I lust after newness like it is the last lifeboat on a sinking ship

It will not serve me, in the end. Not better than my present situation is. What is it about the senses of my heart that feel the need to be refreshed all too often. But then why can't I give up that thought. Boredom? Loneliness? The dull ache of a want so big that it needs no words. It needs nothing. Not to be fed like a fire. Not to be squelched. I want to be satisfied with the ever-present ache. Let it be that. 

se echa en falta de mi parte.
     (you are missing from me.)

Wednesday, June 11, 2014

The doubts, the spaces, the people


        "By being jealous you are withholding the person you loves ability to grow, expand, and flourish. You are taking away the chance for their soul to stretch within interactions and connections with people who stumble upon their journey-- limiting their growth and brilliance. This next bit might sound crazy but I implore you to take your hands stubbornly off your eyes and ears and hear me with compassion when I say-- if the person you are with crosses soul paths with another and feels a magnetic pull and connection, there is a good chance they will leave you. I say this to disintegrate that unnecessary fear building up within your chest at times. I speak this to the part of you that builds a web of stories--I want to nip your insecurity in the butt like it deserves and allow you to shine bright. You are worthy of a love that isn't ruled by fear, jealousy or insecurity. You are worthy of someone wanting just you. You have it all-- inside of that beautiful red beating heart in your chest, right now. It is a fact of life that we have multiple soul mates who we walk hand in hand upon this planet with, sometimes for long delicious stretches and sometimes only momentarily. They all stretch us so wide-- and give us more space to love further and deeper. I've met some of mine, you probably have too. You cannot suppress the inevitable, there is a chance the person you are with will not be your "forever" or "the one". But, they are the one right now. The one you get to share your juicy soul with and love relentlessly. So be present- be there. Make peace with the fact you don't hold the reigns to anyones hearts--sometimes, not even your own. It is impossible, and exhausting for you to clench fearfully to anothers heart in the hopes they will stay forever"    

~ Janne Robinson

Wednesday, April 30, 2014

The Cost

   “To love. To be loved. To never forget your own insignificance. To never get used to the unspeakable violence and the vulgar disparity of life around you. To seek joy in the saddest places. To pursue beauty to its lair. To never simplify what is complicated or complicate what is simple. To respect strength, never power. Above all, to watch. To try and understand. To never look away. And never, never to forget.”
― Arundhati Roy, The Cost of Living

Thursday, March 27, 2014

Early Spring

Quiet weekend after a night of strangers mixing with old friends, Umphrey's,  pizza, whiskey, and a black dress in Aspen. Feeling thick inside and out. Yearning to stretch my cold pale limbs out into the warm sun and run over newly exposed earth and mud.

But I don’t.

Instead I perch on the barstools of our kitchen, drinking mugs of warm stinging dark coffee and gluing my irritated over-worked eyes to another Netflix indie.

This too will pass.

I go to my mat and whip up a heavy downward dog.


Friday, January 3, 2014

cc. Brian Spady @ 1st Bank SCI NYE
"Sometimes I’m terrified of my heart;
of its constant hunger for whatever it is it wants.
 The way it stops and starts.”

 .Edgar Allen Poe

Thursday, December 5, 2013

Carnal Faith

   Underneath all our abstractions there remains this simple, carnal faith in the mountains and the rivers and the cyclical return of the salmon, in the silent germination of seeds and in the unseen, imperturbable wind. It is this animal fidelity to the animate earth, so easily overlooked, that unites us with countless other species – and it remains the ground of every lasting ethic between persons, and between peoples. A faith in the wild and shadowed goodness of the Earth.
David Abrams

Wednesday, November 27, 2013

Before there was an ocean

“The tides are in our veins, we still mirror the stars,
life is your child, but there is in me
Older and harder than life and more impartial,
the eye that watched before there was an ocean.” 
― Robinson Jeffers

Tuesday, November 5, 2013

The right words

Someday I will find the right words, and they will be simple. 


photo via me. 35 mm canon rebel

Thursday, October 24, 2013

Listening to the Land

"We were gone a month and everything was sensual. Everything was erotic. Its the gift of travel, where everything is infused with meaning, compressed, so you begin to see the golden strand that weaves life together. You are in a constant state of awe”.

Terry Tempest Williams / Listening to the land, Derrick Jensen

photo via pinterest/freepeople

Thursday, August 1, 2013

"..My eyes are vague blue, like the sky, and change all the time; they are indiscriminate but fleeting, entirely specific and disloyal, so that no one trusts me. I am always looking away. Or again at something after it has given me up. It makes me restless and that makes me unhappy, but I cannot keep them still. If only i had grey, green, black, brown, yellow eyes; I would stay at home and do something. It's not that I'm curious. On the contrary, I am bored but it's my duty to be attentive, I am needed by things as the sky must be above the earth. And lately, so great has their anxiety become, I can spare myself little sleep.....

.....Now I am quietly waiting for / the catastrophe of my personality / to seem beautiful again, / and interesting, and modern.."Frank O’ Hara

Wednesday, July 31, 2013

The Sea Calls

The sea calls
like nostalgia from a drag of a camel cigarette
The warm exfoliating sand rolling down tan legs
The static dial of the old red radio  
The cold swig of double chocolate nestle quick and TRL
after nights of beirut games and lust
Teenage tears on cold jetty rocks at high tide midnight
and Wednesday night lobster at the seagrape

~me 2013

photo via Tara Prendergast/ Penfield Beach Fairfield CT

Monday, July 15, 2013

wake up

So when you riding through the ruts, don't you complicate your mind:
Flee from hate, mischief and jealousy

Don't bury your thoughts 
put your vision to reality
Wake up and live
Bob Marley

Thursday, July 11, 2013

Wild Women

“I learned about the sacred art of self decoration with the monarch butterflies perched atop my head,lightning bugs as my night jewelry, and emerald-green frogs as bracelets.

Women Who Run With The Wolves- Clarissa Pinkola Estes
photo via flowerchilddwelling/KellyAnn

Via Tumblr